I have waited to write this post but can’t hold it back any longer. After working with tons and tons of pastors I am seeing a pattern. Here is the shocking news: PASTORS ARE REAL PEOPLE!
Pastors have deep hurts, bad habits, and life hangups just like everyone else.
I think everyone, in theory, would agree with that, but when that hurt, habit or hangup becomes known churches have no idea how to deal with it. What makes it worse is when a pastor deals with issues they are scared they are going to lose their job the entire time so it makes them keep everything super quiet.
Before going any further, I’m not scared not ashamed to say I’m recovering from a past sexual addiction. I think because of my back ground with a real addiction I can sense when things aren’t right with people. I know the symptoms because I have lived them. The only way healing has even started in my life was admitting my sin, going to counseling and being in real relationships with people. I will always be recovering and I try to live broken before my wife, family and the cross!
In the past year I have heard statements like this from some pastors:
“I drink too much because I need to numb the stress. this is creating a massive void in my relationship with my wife.”
“I have been FaceBook chatting with a lady in my church and I’m very close to going to meet her.”
“My wife hasn’t attended church with me regularly in the last 5 years.”
“I don’t have any real friends.”
“I’m looking at porn and so ashamed but don’t know how to stop.”
“The last pastor I worked for really hurt me and I’m just angry.”
“I’ve messed up really bad, can you call me.”
And the list goes on and on. I’ve really heard those things…I’m not making up a list to sound dramatic. Churches don’t know how to deal with this stuff. I want you to hear me loud and clear as well, I don’t believe pastors or people in general should struggle or do anything like I just listed above but in reality it IS happening. I honestly don’t have all the answers for all of this but I just want to let pastors know that if you are struggling, lonely, burnt out, addicted, tired, or scared people will find out, etc…. Just know you aren’t alone.
I would also say, you will NEVER be healed by just praying about it. Again, I have experienced this first hand. You need to have real conversations with people and I KNOW that you are scared to talk to anyone locally because you think you will lose your job, reputation, and influence. The reality is, you will lose it sooner or later so you might as well talk with someone now. I’m not good at counseling but I believe God has called me to be a friend.
If you ever need someone to talk with, let me know and we will figure out what is next. Just know this…. No matter how messy your life is, you are welcome here. Our entire team is full of people that want to help – you are human being. Nothing you can admit can scare me or our team! Find freedom soon. We will run TO you and not away from you. We will love you but not allow you to stay where you are.
You have a friend here: email@example.com. You can email me confidentially and I’m not in charge of firing you!
I love you and you are welcome here.